Makes the World Go Round
by Lirillith
Summary: Kotetsu and Barnaby are a pair of giant dorks. Falling in love doesn't change that. Neither does having sex. (De-anon from the T&B anon meme.)
1. Chapter 1

As they progressed from making out to groping to awkward, unfinished handjobs, both of them too nervous to stay hard, to Kotetsu's first attempt at a blowjob - which must have been fantastic, he maintained, since it took about thirty seconds to relieve all of Bunny's pent-up frustration - to all kinds of fooling around, which was where Bunny's deep-seated pickiness came in, Kotetsu had somehow never noticed that Bunny always kept his glasses on.

The first time it actually struck him was when he was laying on his back as Bunny was going down on him; his glasses must have been sliding off his face, because he made a small noise of frustration, took them off, and placed them, open, on Kotetsu's stomach, earpieces pointed towards Kotetsu's face, like his navel needed corrective lenses. Kotetsu cracked up, at least until Bunny got his mouth back on him, and left them there until Bunny retrieved them, but that was when he noticed Bunny had never taken them off during the act before.

Tomoe had usually taken hers off almost as soon as they started kissing, and especially made a point of taking them off when they were fooling around, because he kept watching her for reactions and it made her self-conscious. Then while they were planning the wedding she switched to contacts, and he never knew if she was wearing them or not unless she complained about them. She only switched back to glasses when she was too tired to bother with contacts, which usually meant also being too tired for sex - like when Kaede was a tiny baby - so he hadn't thought about glasses in years.

"You really don't ever take them off," he said, the next time they were in bed together, after yet another round of glasses-having sex. "Don't I leave nose-prints on them?"

Barnaby actually took them off and held them away from his face, squinting like he was inspecting them. "They wipe off."

"Yeah, but..."

"I like to see what you're doing so you don't take me by surprise."

"What? What do you think I'm going to do to you?"

"I don't know! That's the point."

"You want me to start telling you what I'm doing?"

"'And now I'm making bunny-ears for your penis.'"

"I have _never_ done that!" He grinned. "Do you want me to do that?"

"Please don't."

"Awww."

"It's _really_ not necessary," Barnaby emphasized. "Neither is narration, as long as I wear my glasses."

"I think you're kinda missing my point here."

"Why does it make you so uncomfortable for me to watch you?"

"Huh." Kotetsu had to think about that. "It's not _that_ uncomfortable, it's just... kinda... I'm not used to it?" He felt weird talking about Tomoe at a time like this, going back through his memories to determine how often she had her eyes closed during sex, that kind of thing. But he was pretty sure she had.

"Well, I'm not used to _anything_ about sex, so forgive me for wanting to observe."

"Observe, huh? So what's the latest news from the, uh, the whatchacallit, the test tube? Petri dish?"

"You get goosebumps on your ass when you finish."

"You don't need glasses to tell that!"


	2. Chapter 2

"A quarter-inch. I told you there was no significant difference." Barnaby kept his tone and expression carefully neutral, though he stole a glance at Kotetsu, who was also scrutinizing the ruler. It was impossible _not_ to make the comparisons, at least in your head, but he hadn't wanted to do measurements. And while it would be very tempting to meet any insecurity from Kotetsu with _You brought this on yourself,_ he didn't actually want to wound his partner's ego.

Then Kotetsu snickered. "Looks like your Little Bunny isn't so little after all, huh?"

"Oh God." He should have seen this coming before they even found the ruler. He should probably have foreseen this, or some variation thereof, the first time they kissed.

"More like your Big Bunny."

Barnaby pushed his glasses up to squeeze the bridge of his nose. "I can't believe I slept with you on purpose."


	3. Chapter 3

"It's not that it doesn't feel good," Barnaby began.

"Mmf rrrm!" _Damn right,_ Kotetsu meant. Hard to talk with your mouth full.

"It just needs something more."

No way could Kotetsu let that pass with just a muffled grunt. "The hell? You say the same thing when I _cook_ for you! 'This blowjob is too salty,'" he mimicked. "'Needs more onion.'"

"Well don't _stop."_

Kotetsu couldn't decide whether to keep arguing - _if it's that bad why do you want me to keep going?_ - or just do something _super_ sexy to prove he gave awesome head without any help at all. He settled for sucking Bunny's cock really spitefully. That'd show him.

"Try using your hands."

Kotetsu flipped him off.


	4. Chapter 4

"I love you, Bunny." Kotetsu nuzzled his partner's shoulders happily, awash in post-sex bliss and hot water.

"I hurv oo doo..."

"Why'd you squish your face up against the wall like that?"

"Ged off," Barnaby grumped, so Kotetsu pulled out and stepped back, letting go enough for Barnaby to stand up. Then glomped him from behind again. "I was pressed against the wall for the same reason we had to move the bed yesterday."

"Yeah, but you're not the bed. You can brace yourself. Plus I figured you'd hate mildew enough it'd just push your face away like a magnet."

"If only." Barnaby reached for the soap dish. "It's very sweet that you always want to cuddle no matter how awkward it is, but I'd like to actually bathe too."

"Yeah, yeah."

"Especially since I don't know how often you clean the shower."

"Constantly," Kotetsu lied. "Every day."


	5. Chapter 5

If Kotetsu hadn't waited till he was really getting into it, Barnaby might have been less annoyed.

"Dun da dun dun da dun dun da dunn dun dun-"

"Kotetsu, why are you-" Barnaby was _not _going to ride him in time with his humming. But it was a little difficult not to. "That's the William Tell overture."

"It's the Lone Ranger theme!" Kotetsu barely got through the sentence before dissolving into laughter. "Ride 'em, cowgirl!"

"Cow_girl?_"

"That's what they call it, reverse cowgirl- don't GO, you can't just quit in the middle!"

"If you keep laughing I can!"


	6. Chapter 6

"He shoots, he... SO CLOSE." The wad of tissue arced toward the wastebasket and bounced off the rim.

"Kotetsu, it's bad enough with banana peels and hamburger wrappers. Do you have to do it with _used condoms_?"

"What? It's all wrapped up in Kleenex. No stray fluids, everything's fine."

"That's not the point..." Barnaby trailed off. "You're just leaving it on the floor?" He bailed out of bed to move it to the trash without waiting for an answer.

"I was gonna get it. Eventually."

"Of course you were. Is this your way of telling me you want to stop using them?"

"'Course not! Makes cleanup easier, right? Especially for you, and that's... y'know, important."

* * *

It made cleanup easier, and it also meant that, when Kotetsu found the one remaining "chocolate"-flavored condom in the box - their prior experiment had proven that condoms could _not_ taste like chocolate no matter how they tried - he'd also use the strawberry lube and then say "hey, _chocolate-covered strawberries_" in the middle of intercourse like it was somehow either sexy or appropriate.

Kotetsu would always linger in front of the condoms-and-related-merchandise at the drugstore, a pharmacy, or, God help them both, in the tasteful-and-discreet sex shop Nathan apparently owned, a shop which left Barnaby both mortified and intrigued, and Kotetsu, outside of the condom section, cackling like a hyena. _In_the condom section, he was an engaged and thoughtful customer, for a given definition of the term. "Coconut-scented lube," he said. "We still have the pineapple ones, right? We could have piña colada sex."

"Who are you? Don't talk to me."

"Hey, cinnamon lube! _Apple pie._" He actually wiggled his eyebrows.

"Absolutely not. The apple condoms smelled like cough syrup."

"No, that's the cherry flavor."

* * *

"Where'd they all go?"

"I hid them. You'll never find them. The only reason I didn't throw them out was so we'd have an emergency stash. We are done with flavored condoms."

"Aww."

"I'm not falling for the puppy-eyes. I don't even like most dogs."

"You realize this isn't going to stop me from trying to make that farting noise again with my chest pressed up against your back."

"One step at a time," Barnaby said.


End file.
